Of course you’ve seen this guy. You probably remember him from his role as Sloth in ‘The Goonies‘. During the early to mid ’80’s, ‘The Tooz’ had a good run as second and third banana in several comedies. Several memorable comedies.
Standing 6’8″, 280 lbs, John Matuszak was the No. 1 pick in the 1973 NFL draft, going to the Houston Oilers out of the University of Tampa. Known for playing hard on the field, and off, he won two Super Bowls with the Oakland Raiders under legendary coach John Madden before moving to Hollywood to pursue acting. He was a generous person, especially working with disabled children, but his charity was overshadowed by his ‘life in the fast lane’ lifestyle.
Tragically, John died in 1989 at age 38. Tonight’s movie picks are in honor of Mr. Matuszak, so have a party (John would want that) and enjoy these two great comedies. Ok, good comedies.
Caveman (1981)
It’s got Ringo Starr, the drummer for the Beatles, a young Dennis Quaid and Shelly Long. Even a Bond Girl! John plays the part of Tonda, leader of the tribe. Ringo plays Atouk, the socially awkward misfit who is cast out by Tonda for trying to slip one to his girl. Who can blame him? Out on his own, he meets up with friends, old and new, and forms his own tribe. 
Recognizing his superior intellect, he then does the stupidest thing he can think of…he returns to his old tribe to defeat Tonda and win the girl.
It is hard to believe this movie is now 30 years old; it is still funny as all get-out. Don’t let the fact it stars Ringo put you off as he does a very respectable job and is genuinely funny in this. Who knew?
The Ice Pirates (1984)
The story takes place in a galaxy with almost no water. What water there is is stored as ice (to avoid evaporation) and is used as the basis of currency. So of course there are ‘Ice Pirates’ who board and raid the ice fleets as they cross the galaxy. The production on this is a bit ‘B’ movie, but it has it all. Fighting robots, swords, buckles swashed, and even space herpes.
When two ice pirates are captured, they are sold to a princess who secretly plans to use the pirates and their crew to discover the secret of her missing father, who went looking for a legendary world covered in water. John plays one of the crew, but has the best name in the film, ‘Killjoy’.
Not for everyone, but definitely one of those so bad it’s good movies . The Ice Pirates is available on Netflix streaming.
John Matuszak’s autobiography, Cruisin’ with the Tooz, is out of print but still available secondhand.
From a review on Amazon:
“With honesty, Matuszak tells of his addiction to alcohol and narcotics and the dysfunctional behavior that almost cost him his dream of playing football in the N.F.L. He discusses a theory of his that perhaps the continous use of painkillers in professional football lures players into the false belief that even the self-prescribed numbing agents of alcohol and cocaine are legitimate choices to the professional football player. He never, however; accuses coaches or trainers of forcing the painkillers onto the players and accepts the responsibility of his actions as his own. And although he never mentions it, one could surmise that the use of anabolic steroids was also counterproductive to his health. Matuszak in contrast to his teammate Lyle Alzado who blamed the trainers and coaches for forcing him into drug use instead hypothesies that if he had been a butcher his abuse issues may have still been a problem..”
R.I.P., Tooz.
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Cause of Death, New York Times, June 28, 1989
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“The Tooz”, Eric Show, Camaniti. the list goes on. So much talent, so much beautiful beefcake down the drain….Guys have we learned anything from this? Man…I hope so!